


Prank Wars!

by Chanonvic



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Chaseshipping, F/F, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Peachshipping, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Tendershipping, ifyousquint, siblingshipping, sibshipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chanonvic/pseuds/Chanonvic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What begins as an innocent April Fools Day prank soon spirals out of control into a mischievous volley of outrageous pranks. Neither Seto nor Joey backs down, and Mokuba and Serenity are caught in the middle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prank Call

Seto instinctively reached out for the alarm clock on the pedestal beside his bed and pressed the OFF button. He could still hear the melody that woke him. He pressed the button again, certainly with more force than was necessary, but the music didn't stop. His eyes fluttered open, and he was immediately aware of another presence in the room. His waking mind slowly identified the stranger as the source of the admittedly pleasant tune. Once he made the connection, he sat bolt upright to glare at the mysterious flautist. He opened his mouth, but before he could demand to know why the musician had entered this sacred place, the man took the instrument from his lips and cleared his throat.

"A message from the younger Master Kaiba," the musician said nonchalantly, as if performing wake-up calls for the most eligible CEO were in his job description. "Happy April Fool's Day, big bro." And he went back to playing.

Despite the flautist's candor, hints of Mokuba's benign mischief shone through the prank. Seto felt a smirk tug at his lips even as he dismissed the musician and prepared for the day. But once alone, the urge to smile vanished and his hatred for this holiday seeped into the room alongside the spring sun. Sure, the morning had begun on a high note — the REM deprived part of his brain barked a laugh at the pun — but that was certainly no indicator for what the rest of the day held. In fact, if he believed in the omnipotent, universal powers that be, he'd call it an omen.

Nonetheless, Seto did believe in preparedness and resolve. Kaiba Corp, of course, did not indulge in such childish celebration of the inane holiday, he had made sure of that. He thought back fondly to the nervous white-collar who had been caught putting thumbtacks on his colleague's chair. His pleas and explanations only prolonged his inevitable demise: spectacularly fired before all his coworkers, who were compelled to watch as he packed his personal items and took the long walk to the lobby. Was it cruel? Sure. Heartless? Maybe. Necessary? Absolutely. After that example, employees treated April first like any other day. And today was a Tuesday.

As per routine, once he had groomed himself to perfection, Seto strode downstairs to join his brother for breakfast. As soon as he stepped inside the kitchen, a smile spread across Mokuba's face.

"Morning, Seto," he said sweetly. He placed his spoon beside his bowl and watched his brother walk over to the coffee pot. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Seto replied, deliberately withholding anything further. He turned his back to Mokuba, preparing his coffee. As he stirred, his thoughts stretched and twisted into the perfect revenge for this morning's prank. "Well," he continued, "it was fine until one of the butlers woke me with his horrid flute playing." He shook his head and turned so he was leaning against the counter.

Mokuba looked as though he was caught between laughing and frowning, but he maintained what he had left of his poker face. "Oh?" he said simply.

"Yes. I couldn't believe he had the temerity to enter my private chambers, so I fired him."

He watched Mokuba's reaction carefully and resisted the urge to laugh when his eye twitched the slightest bit.

"What?" Mokuba said, taken aback.

"You should've heard how he begged me to think about his children and sick wife and how he meant no harm," Seto continued. He huffed. "He should've thought about that before he decided to pull this little stunt."

By now, Mokuba's eyes had grown wide — though whether in shock, fear, or awe, Seto couldn't tell.

"Tell me you're joking," Mokuba said softly.

He rolled his eyes. "You know I don't joke."

Mokuba slammed his fists down on the table. "You didn't have to fire him! He was only doing what I told him! God, Seto, you can't even take a joke?" He glared daggers at his impassive older brother.

"I knew that, and I can," Seto replied casually.

Mokuba blinked. "What?"

"April fools." He smirked.

Mokuba unclenched his fists and cocked his head to the side slightly before falling into a laughing fit. "Oh, man," he said when he could breathe again. "I was really gonna kill you." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "That was mean, bro," he said evenly. "I'll have to —"

"Sir," cried one of the maids as she charged into the room.

Seto replaced his smile with a more characteristic scowl and looked coldly at the frantic woman — Helga, his mind supplied needlessly.

Helga winced a bit but continued anyway. "Pardon the intrusion, but there's a stockbroker on the line for you. He said it was urgent. An emergency, even."

Stockbroker? Seto glanced at the clock: 8:16. The floor should've just opened. What emergency could possibly have occurred in fifteen minutes? And whatever it was, he had people for that — what was with the personal call? Sighing, he figured the quickest way to deal with it began with picking up the phone. He went to his office, a nervous Helga and curious Mokuba in tow.

"What?" he demanded once he had picked up the phone.

"Good morning to you, too," mumbled the guy on the other line. Oh, how Seto hated sarcasm (that wasn't uttered by himself, of course). And there was something inherently irritating about that voice, too, but what it was, he couldn't exactly say.

"Anyway," the voice continued, "there's been a problem on the floor. I mean, I've never seen numbers like this…."

"What's wrong? Spit it out!"

"Well, sir, no one has been able to sell KC stock," he said slowly. "Since the floor opened, I2 has been selling its shares like crazy. They've got fifteen — no, ten — percent of shares left from their previous thirty."

Seto's eyes widened. "What? Why?!" He glanced up in time to see Mokuba approach the desk. For his brother's benefit, he put the receiver back in its cradle and put the call on speaker.

"Dunno why, but it's causing pandemonium down here. Like I said, no one is buying. Everyone is trying to sell."

"Where is Grayson?" Mokuba called out. "He should've called us by now!"

"Looks like you're stuck with good old Jones, here. The head honcho took off. Last I saw him, he was tearing his hair out and waving tickets, trying to sell something, anything, but no one is — well, you get the picture."

"Yes," Seto replied tersely, "I do. Listen to me."

"All ears."

"Sell something in the next half hour. I don't care how. Make promises or threats, just get it done. When you do, investors will come to their senses and start buying again."

"Ay, ay, captain." The line went dead.

"Seto —" Mokuba began, but Seto held up a hand for silence.

"Helga," he said, "bring me today's issue of Domino Financier." The maid nodded curtly and exited the room. "Mokuba, finish getting ready for school. I'm going downtown to headquarters." He stood and prepared to leave the room, as well.

"What? No! This is serious, the vice president should be there, too."

There was no time to argue. "Fine. Finish getting ready, we leave in five minutes." Mokuba nodded and ran off. Momentarily, Helga reappeared. She handed the newspaper to Seto and departed once more.

He didn't have to search hard for what he wanted: plastered right on the front page was the headline "Industrial Illusions Goes Independent" right above a photo of a smiling Pegasus holding a custom trademark duel disk. It didn't take long for Seto to put the pieces together.

Pegasus had cut out the middle man.

Mokuba was struggling to keep up, but Seto couldn't help it. The ride downtown only intensified his hidden anxiety, especially since he hadn't heard back from Jones yet. When they finally got to the tower, it was all he could do to keep from dashing upstairs. Just before he burst through the twenty-sixth floor offices, he mentally braced himself for the worst case scenario, but what he saw was beyond his limits for patience.

Contrary to expectations, no one was running around, tied up in phone cords, glued to the television sets for news from the stock floor, or even chugging coffee to calm the nerves. No, everyone was either typing away, politely answering calls, hole punching papers, or chatting briefly by the water cooler.

Before his shock could turn to irritation, one of the managers — Angela DiMarco —walked over, flanked by two lackeys.

"Mr. Kaiba, sir," she began, tucking her blond hair behind her ear, "anything I can help you with?" She glanced down at her clipboard. "You're not scheduled to scare the interns today," she said, half joking.

Seto waved his hand in dismissal. "Have you seen the news? There's chaos on the floor. No one's buying KC stock."

DiMarco's eyes widened. "What? That's absurd!" She flipped through a few pages of her clipboard and shook her head. "With all due respect, sir, you're mistaken." She handed him the proof. "We've sold almost half as much as yesterday, and the day's just begun."

Surely enough, DiMarco's figures didn't lie. Seto handed back the clipboard. "Then what's this about?" He showed her the front page of Financier.

"When was that released?" DiMarco asked, forehead wrinkled. She looked closer, presumably at the date, and again shook her head. "That's not today's issue." She strode over to a nearby cubicle and commandeered the computer. The perplexed employee watched as DiMarco pulled up the online edition of the day's Financier. "That's today's issue," she said, turning the monitor to face Seto.

Sprawled across the front page of the online issue was the grand opening of some new mega mall. Huh.

Whatever the hell was going on, he didn't like it. He beckoned to DiMarco to follow before heading to the elevators. On the way to the top floor, DiMarco shifted her weight from foot to foot nervously and exchanged a glance with Mokuba, who looked equally confused, but said nothing.

Seto ushered DiMarco and Mokuba into his office and closed the doors behind him. He sat behind his desk, Mokuba standing at his side, and watched DiMarco plant herself in the center of the room. She looked down, casting her gaze from side to side to take in her surroundings.

"Sir," she said at last, "I don't know how or why, but you've been deceived."

"Clearly," Seto replied, rolling his eyes. He folded his hands neatly on the desk and leaned forward. "Tell me, DiMarco, how good is your memory?"

"Excellent, sir, that's why you hired me." DiMarco nodded curtly to emphasize the point.

"Good. How many brokers did you send out today named Jones?"

DiMarco opened her mouth to answer, reconsidered, and opened it again. "None," she said. "We don't have any brokers with that name."

Seto could feel Mokuba giving him an odd look, but ignored it. "And where was Grayson when the floor opened?"

DiMarco raised an eyebrow, confused. "Where he always is at that time. Right under the switchboard."

"Did he ever leave?"

She nodded. "Twice, both times to negotiate with Nexus, that new software developer."

"So that Jones guy lied," Mokuba said quietly. "But why?"

"And how did he do this?" Seto nodded to the faux newspaper by his elbow.

"Well..." DiMarco murmured. Both brothers looked at her. She swallowed under the glare. "It's probably nothing, but…there was some kid giving security problems yesterday. He said he wouldn't leave until he made sure they'd give you something. The guards finally agreed and took it from him. Looked like a newspaper." DiMarco glanced at the Financier on the desk.

Seto's eyes widened slightly. "And what did this kid look like?"

DiMarco tapped her clipboard pensively. "Tall? Blond hair?" She shrugged. "Didn't get a good look at him."

But that was all Seto needed. He didn't know many blonds, anyway. And that voice, that nerve-grating voice, and sarcasm, too! How did he not recognize it?

On cue, his phone rang. He snatched it up with creeping suspicion of who it was.

"Figure it out yet?" Joey Wheeler asked. "Or would you rather hear this?" He cleared his throat and continued a few octaves lower, perfectly matching his 'Jones' persona from earlier. "Sir, I've managed to sell something!" He broke off in laughter.

"What the hell were you thinking, Wheeler?" Seto said through clenched teeth.

"That this was gonna be my best April fool's day prank ever!" And he continued laughing.

Seto hung up and glared at the phone. "Okay, Wheeler," he said coldly. "Two can play that game."


	2. Chipmunk Mischief

Joey woke with a smile. Memories of yesterday's flawless practical joke bled through his waking thoughts, and he got excited about April Fool's Day all over again. Sighing contentedly, he sat up. Too bad it was all over. Then again, he could always start planning for next year!

And with that, he hopped out of bed and stretched. He glanced out at the pre-dawn horizon and guessed the temperature before getting dressed. He predicted sunny skies and mild weather — another Domino spring morning.

Joey gave a wink and a thumbs up sign to his full length mirror before heading to the front door, grabbing a bottle of water and his — wait, what?

A creature of habit, Joey always left his iPod charging on the counter by the fridge so he could grab it and go without looking. However, no matter how emphatically he felt around the countertop, the device wouldn't appear. He turned to face the kitchenette and swept his gaze across it. There, in the center of his table, sat his iPod, fully charged and ready to go.

Huh. He must have moved it in the middle of the night or something. He thought nothing of it and grabbed it. Soon, he was out the door and speed walking to the jogging path at the nearby park. Once there, he selected his favorite playlist and began his run.

The song started off mellow, just like his morning routine, but it picked up soon enough, encouraging him to run a bit faster. He smiled in anticipation of the lyrics committed to memory. But as soon as the singer began, he tripped over in shock.

Planted firmly on the ground, Joey stared wide-eyed at his iPod as three unbearably high-pitched voices sung the lyrics of what used to be his favorite song. He tried to restart the song, but that chorus of caterwauling remained. He knew, for some reason, that this happened naturally to cassette tapes, but to a freaking MP3 file, for fuck's sake?

Shaking his head, he stood, dusted himself off, and deleted the file, making a mental note to replace it with a proper one when he returned. Then he resumed jogging.

The second song was similar to the first: slow and heavy at first but eventually accelerating into a chorus. Again, Joey perked up just before the singing started — and again, he was surprised to find the normally deep, rich tones replaced by almost inaudible screeching.

Joey slowed down a bit so he could skip to the next song, but it, too, had been replaced with a high-pitched trio. He was simultaneously disheartened and angry going through song after song with no success. After he checked the entire playlist, he ran through every other song alphabetically.

By the time he had gotten through the C section, he was too irritated and absorbed in his music to continue running. He sat under the shade of a tree, never minding the dew beneath him, and listened to song after song.

By the M section, he thought he could bear it, at least until he got back home, so he tried to continue his run. However, his mind drifted and he began imagining he was being chased by three evil, larger-than-life chipmunks. Little by little, he sped up until he was full-on sprinting. He was out of breath in no time.

"That does it," he said to no one in particular (though two other joggers gave him worried looks). He stopped by another tree and yanked the ear buds from his ears. Totally deflated, Joey turned and walked back in complete silence.

It was a virus, Joey had concluded. His iPod must have contracted a virus that messed with the pitch of his songs or something. He wondered where he had gotten it from this time. Was it that new downloading website Tristan told him about? Or maybe his computer was infected, too, and had passed it along. Jeez, the possibilities were endless.

Slamming the door shut behind him, Joey kicked off his shoes and went to sit at the kitchen table. He refused to believe that every single song had been corrupted, and he painstakingly continued what he had begun earlier. His hope was withering when he reached the S section, but he wasn't done yet. An hour later, he had five songs left. He feared the worst, and was proven right; none of them were salvageable, either.

Joey groaned and put his head down on the table. This couldn't be happening. Despite whatever Tea thought, Joey was proud of his things and took care of them. He had just cleaned his computer and synced all his devices so they would be clean, too. And his iPod had to just go and get sick on him. The nerve!

With a sigh, Joey went to his room. He figured that mourning the loss of his thousand-song collection would get him nowhere, so he might as well try to rectify the situation.

He turned on his desktop and drummed his fingers on the desk as he waited for his settings to load. Everything seemed to be in working order, but, as his iPod proved, looks could be misleading. He began running diagnostics on the computer, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. While waiting, he started deleting his music, song by song. This was going to be a tedious morning. Joey was so focused on his tasks that he didn't notice Serenity enter the room.

"Morning, big bro," she said sweetly. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Oh," Joey said with a slight start, "just cleaning my computer." He smiled at her and turned back to what he was doing. He had almost forgotten that Serenity was staying with him for a few days. The pleasant reminder almost made up for the musical catastrophe. Almost.

"Oh, okay," Serenity replied with a yawn. "Cool, I see you found your iPod where I left it." She said casually.

"Yeah, it was on the —" Joey paused and looked back at Serenity. "Wait, what? You took it?"

Serenity blushed. "Well, not exactly. I ran into Mokuba yesterday after school and he told me to give it back and to say thanks for letting him borrow it. I didn't see you all day, so I left it on the table." She smiled sheepishly. "Please don't be upset!"

"I'm not upset," Joey replied quickly. "But how did Mokuba get my iPod?"

"You mean you didn't let him borrow it?"

Joey shook his head. "Haven't seen the kid in weeks." He growled in frustration at a sudden realization. "He was the one who corrupted my songs!"

"Corrupted?" Serenity raised an eyebrow. "How?"

"Every song was replaced by chipmunk versions!"

To her credit, Serenity tried to hold back her laughter, but it came out anyway. Joey narrowed his eyes at her but couldn't do anything as his sister clutched her stomach laughing.

"I can just see your face," she said when she could breathe, "when you heard the first song!" And that sent her spiraling into more laughter.

"Yeah, well, your daily routine wasn't hijacked by a pack of rodents on helium," Joey said under his breath. And, of course, this just made Serenity laugh harder.

The silver lining — and how narrow it was! — was that Joey knew his computer wasn't the problem. He quit the diagnostics he had been running and followed Serenity to the kitchen. Over two bowls of cereal, they mulled it all over.

"Mokuba's one of the sweetest guys I know," Serenity said. "He couldn't have done this."

"Not alone, anyway," Joey mumbled.

"Then who was he working with?"

"Not with. For. And it was Kaiba, that jerk." Joey glared at his spoon.

"Why would Kaiba do that to you?" Serenity looked genuinely confused.

"Well," Joey said, smiling sheepishly. Oh well, the truth had to come out sometime. "I sorta maybe pulled a prank on him yesterday…." His voice trailed off.

Serenity raised an eyebrow. "What kind of prank?"

"I pretended to be a stockbroker and made him think he was losing millions of dollars," he said quickly.

Serenity sighed. "And suddenly I stopped feeling sorry for you."

"What?" Joey asked, surprised. "But I need you now more than ever! Know why?"

"No."

"Because this —" he pointed to his iPod — "means war."


	3. Milkshakes

Mokuba counted down the final seconds of school. The minute hand was being extra stubborn today and wouldn't budge nearly as often as he wanted it to. He glanced at the teacher, who was droning on about the political turmoil in the Byzantine Empire, and switched back to the clock above her. Five…four…three…two…one...done!

The bell rang, interrupting the teacher, and kids began pouring out of the room into the hallway. Mokuba followed suit and joined a classmate of his on the way to their neighboring lockers.

"Hey, Kaiba," Toshiro said, "you doing anything later?"

Mokuba shrugged and turned to open his locker. "Not really," he replied.

"Me and Igarashi were gonna grab ice cream. Wanna come?"

Mokuba smiled. The weather was finally warm enough to enjoy cold treats, and who was he to pass up the opportunity? "Sure," he said.

Toshiro smiled back. "Great! Meet us at the corner by the playground."

Mokuba nodded and watched Toshiro close his locker and walk away before doing the same. He strolled out of school and across the courtyard. He could already spot the pristine white limo waiting for him, and he shook his head. He had begged Seto to get a town car — they were _way_ less conspicuous — but he said no, ranting something about appearances.

As he approached, the awaiting chauffeur began to open the door for him, but Mokuba shook his head.

"That won't be necessary," Mokuba said in his most authoritative voice. "I have an appointment with a couple of associates and will not be requiring your services as of yet."

The driver regarded Mokuba with a curious look. "Sir, your brother would flay me if I even _thought_ about letting you outta my sight."

Mokuba rolled his eyes, but he knew the guy was right. "I'm just going a block over," he said, pointing to the ice cream parlor. "Why don't you wait for me there?"

The chauffeur hesitated but nodded anyway. Mokuba grinned and waved goodbye. He jogged over to the corner Toshiro mentioned and waited.

"Hey, Kaiba!" Toshiro called as he and another boy — Igarashi — rushed to join him.

"Hey, guys."

"'Sup, Kaiba?" Igarashi said with a smirk. He high fived Mokuba.

"Nothin' much." The trio began walking toward the parlor. "Can't wait 'til tomorrow."

Toshiro looked confused. "Why? What's tomorrow?"

"Friday!" Toshiro still didn't get it. "As in, last day of school?"

"Only until Monday," he replied slowly.

Mokuba groaned. "Way to suck the fun out of that." Igarashi laughed hysterically.

The boys continued talking and laughing all the way to the ice cream shop. They were just about to enter when Mokuba saw someone running towards them.

"Hey! Mokuba!" the girl called out.

Mokuba squinted to get a better look at her. "Oh — Serenity!" He grinned and walked forward to meet her half way. "What're you doing around here?"

Serenity caught her breath and smiled back. "I was looking for you, actually."

Mokuba's heart fluttered a little. "Really?"

"Yeah," she said, blushing a bit. "I, um, kind of have a favor to ask you."

Oh. Of course she did. "What kind of favor?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing bad!" Serenity replied quickly, waving her hands in front of her. "Just…it's kind of personal." She glanced behind him at his companions.

Mokuba turned to them. "You guys mind?"

"Oh," Igarashi said, "sorry." He and Toshiro gave them a little distance.

"You were saying?" Mokuba said to Serenity.

"Right." She took a breath. "The favor I wanna ask is for my brother," she said slowly. When Mokuba said nothing, she continued. "This morning, he accidentally sent your brother a really embarrassing picture on his phone. He was so desperate and didn't know what to do, so I told him I would help. I was wondering if maybe I could, I don't know, delete the picture before Seto sees it?"

Mokuba saw the dilemma Joey was in. While it would have been hilarious to watch the catastrophe, he would eventually feel bad for not helping. "What if I delete it for him?"

"The thing is, he doesn't want anyone to see it," Serenity said. "I've already seen it. I was there when it happened, but he doesn't want it to spread any further." She shook her head emphatically.

Mokuba sighed internally. It would be tricky, but he just might be able to solve Serenity's crisis. "All right," he said. "I have a plan. Come with me." He turned and walked back towards the ice cream shop. He pointed out the limo to Serenity before turning to face his friends. "Sorry guys, I gotta go."

Igarashi smirked. "Your girlfriend shows up and suddenly you gotta ditch the boys?" He made a whipping noise and motion. Toshiro snickered.

"Shut up, she's _not_ my girlfriend!" Mokuba said, careful not to be too loud. He blushed at his own words when he heard them back.

"Whatever you say," Toshiro said. "Tell us all the sordid details tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Whatever," he muttered. He waved goodbye to his friends and joined Serenity in the limo.

* * *

 

The plan was simple, or so Mokuba thought. Serenity said nothing, but he could tell she was nervous. She got this adorable wrinkle on her forehead just above the bridge of her nose that he had only ever seen when she watched Joey duel.

Nevertheless, they strode into the lobby of Kaiba Corp headquarters like they owned it — then again, he kind of _did_ , didn't he? After passing through security, they rode the elevator to the top floor.

"Remember," Mokuba began, "just say anything to get him away from his desk. Okay?"

"But you know him better than I do," she all but wailed. "Why can't you talk to him?"

"Because only I can open the drawer," Mokuba said as though explaining this to a child.

"Oh, fine," she mumbled. "Joey _so_ owes me for this."

Finally, they reached the top floor. Serenity took a deep breath and nodded to Mokuba to indicate she was ready.

Mokuba opened the doors to Seto's office and casually walked in. "Hey, bro," he said nonchalantly. "Look who I ran into." He plopped down on an armchair.

Seto glanced up at Serenity, who blushed. "Ah," he said, "Wheeler's sister."

"I have a _name_ ," she muttered before she could catch herself. When she did, she blushed.

Seto looked up at her. "And your brother's snark, it seems." He steepled his hands over his desk. "Tell me, did he like my little gift?"

Serenity smiled. "Actually, I think he cried a little."

"Serves him right."

"If you say so." Serenity glanced to her right and was struck with an idea. "Wow," she said with a sigh. She walked over to a floor-to-ceiling window and stared out at the city. "I bet you could see Joey's apartment from here!"

"God, I hope not." Seto rolled his eyes but, much to Serenity's irritation, he remained seated.

Something caught Serenity's eye, and she smiled deviously before crying out, "Oh no! There's someone on that roof!" She backed away from the window and covered her face. "I think he's gonna jump!"

Like a charm, Seto was beside her in an instant, looking in the direction she indicated. There indeed _was_ a man suspiciously close to the edge of the adjacent building, but he merely threw what was presumably a cigarette butt over the side and walked away.

"Oh, thank God," Serenity said with a sigh. "False alarm."

"Yeah, he's choosing slow and painful suicide," Seto replied.

"Oh, clever," Serenity said, nodding appreciatively. She glanced behind her at Mokuba, who nodded.

Mokuba had admired Serenity's display, but now it was time to take back the show. He plopped down on the armchair and yawned loudly just as Seto turned around.

"Not that this hasn't been nice," he began sarcastically, "but we really gotta get going if we're gonna catch that movie."

Serenity seemed to understand and walked toward the door.

"Movie?" Seto asked from behind his desk. "Did you finish your homework?" He looked to Serenity. "Both of you?"

"Didn't get any," Serenity replied with a smile.

"Lucky," Mokuba mumbled. "It's just algebra. I'll do it when I get back, promise." Before Seto could protest, the two teens left the office. "Come on, this way," Mokuba said, walking toward a conference room.

Once inside, Mokuba closed the doors and sat at the head of the table. Serenity sat beside him. He reached into his pocket and deposited the cell phone into her waiting hands.

"Thanks!" She pressed a button. "What's the PIN?"

"2393," Mokuba said with a chuckle. Serenity looked the slightest bit perplexed, probably not understanding the joke.

Serenity put in the code and began her search. She wore an unshakable look of concentration that didn't relax until she had completed her goal. "There," she said with a satisfied sigh. She handed the phone back to Mokuba.

"I'll just give it to the secretary and tell her he dropped it," Mokuba said with a shrug. "You know," he said slowly, suddenly finding the hem of his school uniform extraordinarily interesting, "we could really go see a movie. Since we told Seto we would. If you want to, that is," he added quickly.

"Oh," Serenity said. "I'd really like to, but I told Joey I'd get back to him ASAP."

"Right." He was a fool for trying.

Serenity smiled. "Maybe some other time."

* * *

 

The sun was beginning to set, and the auburn light bounced off the windows of the adjacent building directly into Seto's office, setting it gently ablaze. It was his favorite time of day, the calm before the final act. In this case, it marked the last break he got before his last meeting. Then he'd be off to get ready to start over.

When the sun had completely sunk below the horizon, he stepped away from the window where Serenity had thought she'd seen a jumper — the poor girl, being related to Wheeler couldn't be good for her — and headed toward the conference room.

He was the first to arrive, as usual. He sat at the head of the table and watched the door, beginning a mental list of who came and in what order. Soon enough, the head of each department was present, and they got the meeting started. All was well until his phone vibrated violently.

Those closest to him started in shock but tried to hide it behind sips of water and throat clearing. But just when the phone had stopped spazzing, a song started up. _Loudly_. And soon a singer accompanied the loud music. There were milkshakes. And boys. And yards.

By now, the current speaker had stopped to look at her boss, unsure if she should even try to speak over the noise. Meanwhile, Seto tried frantically to stop the ringing, but only managed to lock himself out. How the hell did that happen? He hadn't changed the PIN in months!

He looked up, glaring through the mortification, and excused himself. He threw the offensive device into a drawer and slammed it shut, which only muffled the awful lady's wails. He groaned and contemplated what to do.

And then it stopped.

He snatched the phone from the drawer and glared at it in disbelief. He looked at the lock screen and caught a brief snippet of a text: "The new code is 7323." It was from a number labeled 'Do Not Answer.' Why did he even still have Wheeler's number? And more importantly, how did he change the passcode?!

Seto used the new code and just narrowed his eyes when it unlocked. He immediately changed the code and default ringtone back, all the while plotting revenge.

"You better sleep with one eye open, Wheeler."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On an alphanumeric keypad, 2393 is the code for "BEWD," and 7323 is for "REBD." Couldn't resist.


	4. Digital Dummies

Serenity sighed and flipped her pillow over for the hundredth time that night. She had already peeled the comforter off the mattress, opened the window, and stripped down as much as her teenage modesty would allow, but she was still too hot. The cool material quickly heated up against her face; before long, she'd have to flip her pillow again.

She knew she'd be tired for her outing with Mokuba tomorrow, but she just could not fall asleep. To distract herself from the heat, she thought about what she'd wear. It was times like these she wished she had a sister. Joey was a fantastic brother, but that was just it: he was a boy, and she was a girl [can I get any more obvious?]. If he could have his way, he'd lock Serenity away in some tower and build a crocodile-infested moat around it to prevent her from dating. He told her so himself, right after she had told him about the movies. And this wasn't even a date!

Was it?

Of course not! But, then again…Mokuba _did_ look pretty nervous asking her. And she _did_ feel bad rejecting him. And those probably _were_ butterflies in her stomach when she called to ask if he was free this weekend.

Serenity felt her cheeks warm. Oh my gosh! What would she wear? How would she do her hair? What type of movie would they watch? Who would pay? Would they do anything afterwards? Would Mokuba try and make a _move_?

She sat up and touched her cheeks, trying to cool them down. There was no sense in getting worked up, especially when it only made the unbearably hot night hotter.

Serenity swung her legs over the side of her bed. She was going to get some ice water and channel surf until she felt —

"Argh!" came a cry from down the hall. Serenity sprung up and threw open her door just in time to see Joey running towards her. He dashed into the room and closed the door behind him. He looked completely flushed.

"Joey! What's wrong?" Serenity said frantically.

"You're not gonna believe this, sis," he began, eyes wide in terror, "but there's a ghost out there!" He looked around the room, as though his words could conjure the specter.

Serenity sighed. "You must've just had a bad —"

"No! I was wide awake. I mean, who could sleep in this heat?" He pulled his shirt to uncling it from his torso. "I was eating ice cream in the kitchen and —" he gulped — "something in the corner moved!"

Serenity raised an eyebrow. "Something _moved_?" she asked skeptically. Her brother nodded. Sighing again, she reached out for the door knob, but Joey smacked her hand away.

"What're you doing?!"

"Proving to my supposedly _older_ brother that there's no such thing as ghosts," she replied through clenched jaw. She again reached for the knob, surprisingly strong enough to keep Joey at bay.

She threw the door open and looked down one end of the hall. "See? There's nothing —!" A low rumble from the other end of the hallway cut her off. Slowly, Serenity turned to see where the noise had come from and was sorry she had. Pawing at the ground with its head lowered stood a creature resembling a rhinoceros with blades instead of horns: the dreaded Mad Sword Beast. As soon as they had made eye contact, the Beast charged. She shrieked and felt herself being pulled back into the room. Joey shut the door just as the Beast skid to a halt at the entrance.

Joey pushed a chest of drawers in front of the door and stood back. "It's worse than I thought," he said softly (and that scared Serenity more than the words themselves).

Serenity shook her head and plopped down on the edge of her bed. "It can't be _real_ ," she said. "Just holograms. Right?"

Neither spoke for a while. They merely waited with baited breath for the beast outside Serenity's door to do something, anything. When after five minutes nothing happened, Joey tentatively pushed the chest away and slowly opened the door. He looked left, then right, before turning to Serenity with a grin. "We scared it away!" he said.

Serenity rolled her eyes. "Right. Our hasty retreat scared it away." She stood and joined him in the doorway. "We'll have to find out where it came from."

"And where it went," Joey agreed with a determined nod.

They set off gingerly down the hall, neither really wanting to attract the monster's attention. Joey led Serenity to the kitchen, the original scene of the crime. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except for the spoon on the floor and bowl of half melted ice cream on the table.

"That was the corner I saw the ghost in," Joey said, pointing to the darkest corner of the kitchen. He refused to move any closer, so Serenity approached it instead.

"Hello?" she called out hesitantly, feeling kind of silly. Then she cleared her throat and tried again. "Hello?" she said more emphatically.

She jumped back when she heard low, rumbling laughter. There was a gleam of light before the shadows of the corner materialized into the shape of another creature: Newdoria. It reached out for Serenity, but its reach was too short. But rather than lunge forward, it remained in the corner, laughing at the Wheelers' fear.

"Why won't it attack?" Serenity whispered to Joey.

Joey shrugged. "Maybe it — wait, hold on a sec." He squinted his eyes at the fiend and scowled. "You gotta be kidding me." Despite Serenity's hold on his arm, he marched forward to — no, _through_ — the dark creature and inspected something on the ceiling corner. He reached up and removed something, and Newdoria disappeared. "Shoulda known," he muttered. He showed Serenity the device, particularly the side that had the initials "KC" brandished on it.

"What is it?" she asked.

"A holo-imager. There're probably dozens throughout the apartment."

As if on cue, the siblings heard hissing just before a Reptilianne Medusa came slithering around the corner from the living room. No matter how many times Serenity tried to reassure herself the creature didn't exist, she still felt trapped between the wall behind them and the monster in front.

However, Joey strengthened his resolve. Grabbing Serenity's hand, he led her around the hologram and into the living room to find the source.

"Got it!" Serenity cried triumphantly as she grabbed the holo-imager from under a lamp shade. The hissing disappeared, only to be replaced by angry growling: the Mad Sword Beast had returned. "Not this again," Serenity whimpered. She had already been chased by its virtual counterpart once, and that was one time too many. She hid behind Joey just as the creature began pawing the ground again.

"Don't worry, we just gotta find the imager," Joey assured her. He stood his ground as the Beast charged, and as expected, it went straight through them.

Serenity shuddered at the warm, sticky feeling that washed over her as the creature passed. "Ew," she said. "Holograms aren't supposed to do that."

The Beast, meanwhile, skid to a halt. It looked about, seemingly confused that it had missed its prey, before turning and preparing to charge at them again.

"Yeah," Joey said slowly, "not a fan of that icky feeling, either." He grabbed Serenity's arm and led her back into the hallway. The Beast followed, of course, snarling, slipping on the carpet, colliding with the walls — the realism was uncanny, and had they not been running for their lives (sort of) in the middle of the night, Serenity was sure Joey would be fawning over the technology. As it stood, they searched the walls as they ran for the imager.

"There!" Serenity called, pointing to the space above a doorframe. She tried to reach, but wasn't tall enough. She looked over and saw that the monster was almost upon them.

"I'll do it," Joey said as he reached above her head and grabbed the device. The Beast gave one more snarl before dissipating. The siblings breathed a sigh of relief. "That makes three," Joey said.

"You know, I can't help thinking we sort of deserve this," Serenity said.

"What? No way!" Joey said. "He started it! No one messes with my music."

"Bet he said the same thing about his _company_ ," Serenity mumbled under her breath.

"Well, that was warranted," Joey said. "It was on actual April _Fool's_ Day. You can't get revenge the _next_ day."

Serenity opened her mouth to comment on how ludicrous _both_ boys were being but knew it wouldn't make a difference. They walked back to the kitchen and deposited the two new devices on the table with the first. Serenity was about to come around the table when she noticed a puddle on the floor.

"Joey! You spilled your ice cream!" She pointed to the mess.

"No I didn't," he replied. "My bowl's still on the table."

"Then what's —?" Before she finished her sentence, the puddle started to move. Serenity shrieked and jumped back. The goo rose up, and a dark split ripped across its middle, slowly growing teeth. Two milky eyes popped up and rolled around until settling on the siblings. Its lips contorted into a grin as a long blade projected from the back of its slimy head.

"I've never even _seen_ that monster before," Joey said as he backed away. They went the long way around the table to avoid the gooey thing, buying time to find the imager. "It's gotta be low the ground, right?"

"How should _I_ know?" Serenity replied, but she searched along the floor anyway. She saw something glinting just behind the refrigerator. She grabbed it, and she smiled when the monster evaporated. "Add that to the collection," she said as she tossed the imager on the table.

Suddenly, they heard moaning from the back.

"What _now_?" Joey groaned.

They followed the moans to Joey's bedroom and peeked inside. In the farthest corner they saw a low red glow. Joey flipped on the switch, and the moans turned to screeches. Both Wheelers covered their ears and took in the sight: a shriveled old man, nothing more than skin and bones, sat in the corner wielding a ruby-crowned staff and petting one of the heads he wore around his neck. He looked up at them and stopped screeching. Instead, he smiled and held out his staff toward Serenity. The red glow grew brighter, and a beam of light enveloped her, encasing her in the warm, sticky feeling from earlier. Serenity gulped and felt like she couldn't catch her breath.

"H-hurry up and f-find the imager!" she barely managed to say.

"Right!" Joey moved out of the sorcerer's line of sight and began looking for the device. "Aha!" he said as he peeled his curtains back. The old man whipped his head around as Joey reached out to grab the device and threw one of his heads at him. It shattered on impact into light fractals. "Ow!" Joey jumped back and rubbed the back of his hand, where the head hit him. "That actually almost hurt." He pouted.

"J-just g-grab it!" Serenity said, wiping the sweat from her brow. She couldn't take this extra heat for much longer.

Joey complied and reached for the imager, this time dodging the old man's projectile. He screeched one last time before melting into darkness once more. 'And that makes five," he said proudly. "I'll go put this with the others." Joey left for the kitchen, but not five seconds later did he return running.

Serenity looked around the corner to see what was chasing him. It was a surprisingly nimble wooden doll carrying a huge axe. When it saw Serenity, it took a swing. She instinctively jumped back, but the blade nicked her leg. "Ow," she said, more in surprise than pain. It felt like a brief pinch, but still, how could a bunch of three-dimensional pixels _hurt_? Then again, how could they growl, hiss, and cast spells, too? Seto had certainly outdone himself this time.

"Found it!" Joey exclaimed. He grabbed the imager from another ceiling corner, but the doll didn't vanish. Instead, it laughed and took another swing at Serenity's knees. Serenity leapt over the monster while her brother tapped his chin in thought. "It must have multiple sources," he said finally. He ran to the other end of the hallway and removed another imager. The doll disappeared mid-swing.

"I _really_ hope we found them all," Serenity said. She followed Joey back to the kitchen. He placed the imagers with the others.

"Yeah, we just —" He was cut off by a high-pitched laugh. They turned around and saw the doll standing in the archway separating the kitchen and living room. "You've gotta be _kidding_ me!" Joey said, rolling his eyes. They both jumped back as it swung its axe, but neither was prepared for its backswing. Serenity fell backwards to avoid it, but Joey was caught. "Damn, that hurts," he said, wincing.

Serenity was about to stand up again, but from her perspective, she saw the tell-tale glint of yet another imager. "Under the coffee table!" she called, pointing toward the living room.

Joey nodded and jumped over the doll. He removed the imager just as the creature prepared to drive its axe down on Serenity. He put it on the kitchen table, and neither said anything for a while.

"It's quiet," Serenity said softly. "I think…I think we got 'em all."

They scoured the apartment to be sure, but came up empty.

"That really was the last one," Joey said.

"Finally," Serenity said with a sigh. "I can't take any more monsters jumping out at us."

"Kaiba must pay," Joey said, a mischievous smile creeping to his lips. "We _have_ to get revenge."

"Oh no," Serenity groaned.

"And lucky for us, I'm just getting warmed up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Cards (in order of appearance to Serenity) - Mad Sword Beast, Newdoria, Reptillianne Medusa, Gruesome Goo, Sorcerer of the Doomed, and Malice Doll of Demise.
> 
> Also, obligatory Avril Lavigne reference. Couldn't resist.


	5. Fanservice

Seto glared icily across the kitchen table at Mokuba, who sighed at his French toast.

"For the last time," Mokuba said, "I didn't know she was gonna _do_ that!"

"Oh _sure_ ," Seto replied sarcastically, "you helped your little girlfriend and her idiot brother with their diabolical plan for absolutely _no_ reason."

Mokuba grimaced but said nothing he hadn't said a thousand times already. Then an idea struck him. "Why don't you prank Joey back?"

At this, Seto smirked. "Two steps ahead of you," he said. "Last night, I had Wheeler's apartment tagged with our newest holo-imagers and timed them to go off around midnight."

Mokuba's eyes grew wide. "That's cruel." Seto just shrugged. "Well, don't you think Joey found them by now? He'll know it was you."

"Oh, I'm counting on it. When he retaliates, I'll counter with something even more devastating."

And suddenly Seto had that gleam in his eyes, the one he got when he was sure of victory. But over a petty rivalry? Seriously? Mokuba shook his head. He blamed it on a repressed childhood.

"Anyway," Seto continued, "what're _you_ doing today?"

"Movies with Serenity, since we didn't go Thursday like we said." Mokuba shrugged.

Seto narrowed his eyes. "You know, I liked it better when you didn't lie to me."

"Life was simpler then," Mokuba said nostalgically. He glanced at the clock. "Gotta hurry," he said, shoveling his remaining French toast into his mouth. He gulped the rest of his milk to chase it down and hopped out of the chair. "Don't wait up," he said with a playful wink and exited the kitchen.

* * *

Seto didn't exactly relish the idea of his brother dating. And despite Mokuba's protests that this was _not_ a date, Serenity was _not_ his girlfriend, and he had absolutely _no_ idea how he felt about her, his fears were not soothed. If anything, Serenity represented the mysterious, potentially painful world beyond Seto's realm of influence. If Mokuba started dating a girl, Seto couldn't fire her for hurting him or pay her to be nice (not with good conscience, anyway), and that was strangely terrifying.

So he took the only logical step in this scenario: he spied on the teens. He ignored how naked he felt without either of his coats and went with normal wear, complete with a pair of sunglasses. He chose the least ostentatious car in his garage and drove the ten minutes to Joey's apartment. He made sure to park around the corner so he could watch Mokuba wait for Serenity without being detected.

After about fifteen minutes of idle chit chat on the porch (during which Seto wondered how they weren't worried about missing the movie), the teens were joined by Joey. They followed him down the stairs and to a silver car. Seto's horror mounted as he watched Joey settle into the driver's seat, start the ignition, and check his mirrors. (How the hell did Wheeler get a license? Oh God, what if he didn't even _have_ a license?!) Joey pulled away from the curb and sped off, Seto not far behind.

To say Seto wasn't skilled at tailing persons of interest wouldn't be entirely true, but it was definitely the first time he had done it to his own brother. He made sure to keep within reasonable distance without drawing too much attention or losing sight of the silver car. Luckily, the movie theater, attached to a mall, was pretty close.

Seto was glad to see Joey drop off their siblings and leave. He parked as close to the entrance as he could and followed Mokuba and Serenity inside. He partially hid behind a pillar, carefully watching what movie they chose, which theater it was in, and how many snacks they bought. They gave their tickets to the usher and finally headed inside.

Once he was sure they wouldn't see him, Seto quickly bought a ticket to the same movie (some PG-13 romantic comedy, how the hell was he _not_ supposed to blow his brains out from boredom?) and was about to head over to the usher when he heard that voice he despised so deeply.

"I _knew_ you'd be here!" Joey cried triumphantly from across the lobby.

Seto turned to tell Joey off, but was shocked to see him flanked by an army of teenage girls. And as he turned to face them, every one of them squealed in delight. In no time, they had surrounded him, all talking at once and pushing each other to be closest to him.

"Mr. Kaiba," began one, "is it true you had a manager at a café fired because your iced coffee was too cold?" What? That was ridiculous! He didn't even drink —!

"What about your gardener?" another interrupted. "Did he really discover a fossil in your backyard?" Okay, how would a fossil have —?

"Do you actually have a hair dresser flown in from _France_ every Monday?" Wasn't that tabloid supposed to have been retracted last —?

"Is Mokuba blood related to you?"

"Ooh, did you really date the Nexus CEO's daughter?"

"No way! He totally likes blondes!"

"Well, Seto? Blondes or brunettes?"

Before he could say anything, the girls had started to argue first over his preference, then over which was better in general (the poor red-heads were caught in the middle). He used the distraction to escape from the center. Forgetting the movie and Mokuba's non-date, he rushed toward the entrance.

"Better hurry," Joey said as he passed, "they move pretty fast."

Seto really wanted to say something obscene, but unfortunately the mutt had a point (and he'd be damned if he ever admitted _that_ aloud). With just a scowl, Seto hurried away from the horrid girls. But Joey was a step ahead.

Another mob of fangirls was waiting outside the entrance, this one more persistent than the last. Before they could trap him, he ran off and ducked inside the mall. He hid behind a clearance rack of the department store and watched the group rush in after him. They paused at the intersection, wondering which way to go. A tall, ginger girl sprinkled in freckles turned to them and began giving orders. Seto couldn't hear over the distance, but he saw her gesture for them to split up, and sure enough he had now two groups to worry about.

He waited for the group headed his way to pass before leaving his refuge and heading to the store exit. He couldn't go back the way he came — what if the fangirls were staking out by the mall entrance? — so he walked deeper into the heart of the mall to find an alternative exit.

He must have looked absurd, constantly looking behind his back and ducking into random stores and trying to blend in with large crowds. He even got a few odd looks, and if he weren't being chased by rabid teenagers he might actually have cared. But as it stood —

"There he is!" The ginger and three of her lackeys stood at the other end of the corridor. She pointed to him, and they all followed her cue.

Without further hesitation, Seto entered the nearest store, not even noticing that it was just a maze of expensive bras and lacey panties. Even more strange glances were cast his way, and a few clerks approached to assist, but he didn't stop. Instead, he hid behind a group of mannequins and waited for the four girls to enter.

Ginger led her crew straight to one of the clerks and looked as though she were asking about him. Shit! He hadn't accounted for that. The clerk pointed in his general location, and the girls were off. When they had reached his corner of the store, they began looking inside clothes racks, under tables, even behind shelves. Seto grew more anxious but waited for an opening. Finally, when all the fangirls had their backs turned, he tiptoed out of his hiding spot and towards the store exit. And he was home free until his hip collided with one of the tables.

A tense, silent moment passed during which Seto could feel Ginger's pride in catching her prey. She reached in her back pocket and retrieved a pair of scissors.

"Hair," she said lowly, "must get a lock of hair." She approached him slowly, scissors outstretched.

Seto panicked. He knocked over the table to keep the girls at bay and ran out of the store. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other group leaving another store. He was quickly running out of options. But then he spotted it: the punk store all the scene kids shopped at! Perfect! No one would think to look for him there.

He really felt out of place, surrounded by clerks with piercings and leather pants and grunge rock music and band T-shirts. But if it would keep the fangirls away, so be it. He circled the store, periodically peeking out the door to check the progress of the girls. After a while, they seemed to disperse, and Ginger was nowhere to be found. He hazarded a step outside the store and was relieved to not be met by squealing. He found the nearest exit and made his way back to his car.

"Oh, great," he mumbled when he spotted Joey leaning against it.

Joey grinned as Seto approached. "Have fun with the girls?" He chuckled when all he got was a glare in response. "They're the newest chapter of the Seto Kaiba Fanclub. Started it myself." Joey seemed oddly proud of this achievement.

Seto smirked. "Never knew you were a fan."

"Only a fan of making you squirm, rich boy."

Seto's smirk turned into a scowl as he nudged Joey away from the car. "Just know this," he said while opening the car door, "you're fresh out the frying pan and into the fire, now."


	6. To My Dearest

Joey couldn't believe that five days had passed already. It seemed like just yesterday that Serenity had arrived to stay, and now he was standing in the doorway and watching her pack. Somehow, knowing that she wasn't leaving for good didn't calm the admittedly selfish need to see her eating breakfast across from him, or hear her humming along to the stereo, or feel her random hugs when words just would not do.

He sighed, which caught Serenity's attention. "What's wrong, big bro?" she asked automatically.

"Nothing," he said with a little smile.

She shook her head. "You get like this every time."

Joey chuckled. "Can't help it."

"Well, that's sweet and all, but watching me like that is just a _bit_ creepy. Don't you think?"

Joey threw up his hands in concession. "All right, I get it. I'll go do something productive."

But what exactly was there productive to do on a late Sunday morning? He looked around the kitchen: the dishes were washed, floors swept, fridge full. He looked around the living room: the carpet was vacuumed, windows cleaned, shelves dusted. He looked around his bedroom: it was disheveled, as usual, but he didn't dare upset his "system."

He sighed and grabbed his house keys. He figured he'd check the mail or something, though he never really got anything other than bills and catalogues. "Be right back!" he called to Serenity before leaving.

He walked downstairs to the lobby as slowly as possible — it wasn't like he was in a rush. Once there, and all too soon at that, he scanned the wall of mail boxes to find his. He opened it, grabbed the few envelopes, and closed the box, immediately sorting through it all.

"Bills," he muttered to himself as he headed back up the stairs. He put the labeled envelope behind the rest and continued to flip through the rest. "More bills, junk, and — hello, what's this?" Joey picked out an unmarked pink envelope and brought it closer to his face. He inspected both sides, but all he saw was a small heart sticker sealing the flap on the back.

Joey waited until he was in his apartment to look at the odd envelope again. He threw the others on the coffee table and tore into the pink one. He extracted the pink letter within and unfolded it, revealing neat, sprawling handwriting in glittering green ink.

" _To my dearest_ ," he read aloud, " _From the day you descended from Olympus into my life, my waking thoughts have been of you. Finally I could not stand keeping my feelings from you, but I am hesitant to admit my identity until I am sure you truly want and deserve to know. Your first task awaits. Think of my monumental love and find me in fair hands. Forever yours, A Patient Admirer_."

Joey stared blankly at the letter before bursting into laughter. A secret admirer, huh? Well, who wouldn't be attracted to one of the best and handsomest duelists in the city? The country, even! It made perfect sense. The letter itself, however, did not. What did the admirer mean by his "first task"? Or "monumental love"? Was it a riddle or something?

Serenity rounded the corner with a duffel bag. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I have a secret admirer," he said, handing her the letter.

Serenity scanned it. She raised an eyebrow as she handed the letter back. "Sounds more stalkerish than funny," she said. "Besides, how do you know it was meant for you?"

"It was in my mailbox."

"Could've been the wrong address," Serenity said with a shrug.

Joey waved a hand in dismissal. "You're just jealous."

"Yes, Joey," she replied, "I'm jealous of your potentially insane new girlfriend."

"I resent that!" Joey said, jumping to his feet. "She might be perfectly normal. And cute." He looked up, imagining what his admirer looked like. "With dimples. And sparkly eyes. And nice figure. And a firm set of —"

"I get it!" Serenity interrupted. "Anyway, you have any idea what the task is?"

"Not a clue," Joey said, shaking his head.

Serenity set her bag down and tapped her chin in thought. "Maybe by 'monumental' she meant a literal monument. Like a statue or something."

"So I find the right statue and she'll be there?"

Serenity shrugged. "How would I know how crazy people think?" She giggled at the frustrated look Joey returned. Before either could say anything further, they heard a car horn just below the living room window. "That must be Mom," Serenity said. "Good luck with the psycho. Love you!" She gave Joey a light kiss on the cheek and ran out of the apartment.

And Joey was suddenly alone again. To fill the silence, he thought about the riddle. If the admirer really meant an actual monument like Serenity said, then which one? Domino was littered with them! It'd take half the day to find them all. But then…what about that "fair hands" part? Fair _how_? Light? Beautiful? Just?

Just. That was it! The monument she must've meant was the huge statue of Justice in the center of Marigold Park.

Without a second thought, Joey left the apartment to drive over to Marigold Park. Once there, he followed one of the bike paths to the center, where the statue stood tall with sword in one hand and scales in the other. Joey peered up at it and saw a slip of paper sticking out of her scale-bearing hand.

He looked left and right to make sure there were no authorities around before climbing the statue. The higher he got, the more stares he attracted from the passers-by below, but all he saw was the pink slip of paper getting closer.

"Joey?" a familiar voice called beneath him.

Joey hazarded a look down and saw Mokuba staring up in shock and confusion. "Oh, hey, Mokuba. What's up?"

"Well, you are, apparently. What're you doing?"

"Trying to get this piece of paper." Joey returned his attention the task. When he was high enough, he reached out and grabbed the paper. He quickly climbed back down and waved it in front of Mokuba's face. He opened it and read it aloud for Mokuba's benefit. " _To my dearest_ ," he began, " _Congratulations completing the first task. Find your second in time. (If you're lost, just follow the bells.) Forever yours, A Patient Admirer_."

"What's this all about?" Mokuba asked.

"I got a letter from a secret admirer this morning telling me to find her here," Joey said, nodding to the statue, "only, I found this note instead. And another riddle." He stared at the note blankly.

"Maybe she means a clock," Mokuba said with a shrug. "You know, 'in time'?"

Joey nodded. "Makes sense. But where? And what kinda clock?"

They thought for a moment. "Oh!" Mokuba cried. "The clock tower! That's why she said 'follow the bells.'"

"Then what're we standing around here for? Let's go!"

They ran off to the main square, about a block over from the park, and entered the clock tower. It was swimming with tourists, and they had to dance to get out of everyone's way.

"I think my brother threw a charity event for this place," Mokuba said pensively, looking around. "Haven't been here since."

"Well, where would someone hide a note?" Joey asked. He looked around, too, but to no avail. There were too many possibilities.

"Hmm…the note says 'in time,'" Mokuba said, "so maybe she meant the actual clock." They looked up at the extremely distant clock face and accompanying staircase. "Well, good luck with that," Mokuba said as he turned to leave.

Joey caught him by the collar. "Oh, no you don't," he said. "I need someone to carry me back down when I pass out from exhaustion."

Mokuba groaned. "I'm _way_ too nice."

They slipped past the guards and began their long trip to the top of the tower. When they eventually got there and caught their breath, Joey scanned the clock face for a note. "I see it!" he shouted. Above the platform closest to the clock face (across from theirs) hung a bell, and from that, a rope with a pink slip attached.

"Great," Mokuba said. "How are we supposed to get to it?"

Joey looked around. Along the circular wall of the tower was a narrow ledge, just large enough for him to stand sideways. "Wait here," he said. He hopped over the railing and edged his way to the other side of the tower, careful not to look down. He grabbed onto the other platform's railing as soon as he could reach it and climbed over it. After untying the note from the bell's rope, he turned to give Mokuba a thumbs up.

"Awesome!" Mokuba called to him with a grin.

Joey waited until he had carefully edged back to the tourist side of the tower to read the note. " _To my dearest_ ," he began, " _Your endeavors are certainly admirable. In no time, we will be joined in glorious love. Your final task will be to stand proud before Sunset and profess your love! Forever yours, A Patient Admirer_."

Joey furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. "This is the hardest one," he said.

"I don't know," Mokuba said slowly. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Joey rolled his eyes. "You sound just like Serenity," he said.

"R-really?" He almost smiled but shook himself out of it. "Doesn't matter," he said. "This girl sounds crazy!"

Joey waved his hand in dismissal. "She's just hopelessly in _love_ with me. And who could blame her?"

Mokuba narrowed his eyes at Joey. He was beginning to see what his brother was talking about…just a little. Oh well. He'd just have to break it to him. "Joey," he said, as though explaining something to a child, "she's talking about _vows_."

Joey stared back. "I don't get it."

Mokuba face-palmed. Then again, some people just had to learn the hard way. "Well," he said, "she also mentioned sunset. Maybe she means the Aurora Chapel."

"That's, like, four blocks from here. Let's go!" Joey grabbed Mokuba's hand and ran down the stairs.

Despite Mokuba's protests, Joey didn't slow down until they were before the chapel. He released Mokuba's hand and stared up at the mahogany double doors and cream colored walls and frosted windows.

"Whoa," Joey said softly. He shook himself out of his reverie and went in.

"Mr. Wheeler!" A bespectacled woman wearing a pencil skirt and her black hair in a bun charged over to Joey and Mokuba. "You're late!" she said. She took Joey by the wrist and marched him to the other side of the lobby. "It's too late to change you, we'll just have to make do with _this_." She gestured to Joey's outfit.

"Wait — what's going on?" Joey demanded from the lady.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't even pretend you don't know what's waiting on the other side of this door." She pushed him through the doors with surprising strength. Mokuba followed, and the doors closed ominously behind them.

Joey stopped dead in his tracks, causing Mokuba to bump into him. "Hey! Watch where you're —!" Mokuba stopped when he saw Joey look around with awe and did the same.

The room was huge with a vaulted ceiling, from which hung an intricate chandelier that threw little rainbows around the room. Rows of plushy seats led to a huge altar, before which stood a young brunette in a flowing white sundress. She turned and beamed when she saw Joey.

"Joey Wheeler!" she called to him. "He was right! You _did_ come!"

"Come on, Mokuba," Joey said softly, "let's get out of here before she captures us!"

"But isn't this what you wanted?" Mokuba asked, looking up at him with a confused expression.

"No, she's —" But before he could finish, the girl ran over and threw her arms around Joey.

"I've missed you so _much_ ," she said, bursting into tears. Mokuba backed away from the emotional wreck. Joey looked like he wanted to, but couldn't escape her grasp (so _that's_ what he meant by capture).

Finally, she saw Mokuba. She released her hold slightly and pointed. "Who's that?" she said.

"Mokuba," Joey said with a grimace, "meet Vickie, my ex-girlfriend."

"And future wife!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the altar. "Good thing you brought a witness."

Joey managed to free himself. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said quickly. "Married? I haven't seen you in years and the last time we spoke we were fighting!"

"Yes, but I've _forgiven_ you, hun!" She tried to grab him again, but he dodged her.

"I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but I'm out. Come on, Mokuba." He and Mokuba turned to leave. He tried to open the doors to the lobby, but they were locked.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere," Vickie said in a low voice. "Not until I get what was promised to me."

"Promised? I never promised you anything!"

She waved her hand. "Not you. _Kaiba_. He told me you'd come here looking for me." She grinned mischievously. "He even paid for the ceremony."

Mokuba face-palmed for the second time that day. "So this was his devastating counter attack. Figures."

Joey clenched his fists. "That's going too far, Kaiba," he said as if Seto were there.

"As you can see," Vickie continued, "everything's set up. I'm not leaving here without my wedding."

Joey was running out of time. There was no way he could marry this psycho, but she didn't seem keen on letting them go. "H-how about this," he said, making it up as he went along, "why don't we, uh, go out on a nice, romantic date and get to know each other? Then we'll see if we still wanna do this."

Vickie mulled it over. "Okay," she said with a shrug. "But don't try to run away. I _will_ find you." And with a laugh, she looped an arm through his. She unlocked the door with a key hanging around her neck and skipped through the doors.

* * *

Joey hadn't really thought the plan through. At the time, all he wanted to do was get himself and Mokuba out of the room with the lunatic. But now, they were both stuck with her. They had tried twice to ditch her — once when she went to the bathroom at the restaurant and again when she had turned to ogle a new pair of shoes — but she managed to drag them both back with uncanny strength.

Joey looked across the table at Mokuba. He felt terrible for dragging the poor kid into the situation, but couldn't help thinking he had something to do with it.

"Hey, kid," Joey whispered to him while Vickie told the waiter her order. "Did you know about this?" He pointed to Vickie with his eyes.

"No," Mokuba shook his head emphatically. "Although…it _does_ explain why Seto really wanted me to go to Marigold Park today." He shrugged. "He probably knew you'd need help with the riddles."

"Why, you —!"

"And for you, sir?" the waiter interrupted.

"Oh," Joey said, flustered. "Just water." The waiter nodded, collected the menus, and left.

"Honey bunch," Vickie said, touching Joey's hand, "you haven't eaten all day."

Joey removed his hands from the table and folded them in his lap. "I'm not hungry yet. I'll eat at the next place." Good Lord, the _next_ place? This couldn't go on. Joey was working with finite resources, and Vickie was bound to catch on to his stalling sooner or later. Joey tried to think of a plan while Mokuba and Vickie ate but came up with nothing. When they left the restaurant, the sun was beginning to set.

"I'll take you home, Mokuba," Joey said. "I-if it's okay with you, _dear_ ," he said to Vickie. The sweetness in his voice was sickening, but he tacked on a smile anyway.

"Of course," she said, shifting her shopping bags to one hand so she could pinch Joey's cheek with the other. "I think it's hot when guys are nice. Sexy, even." She winked at him.

"Okay," Joey said loudly, very aware of Mokuba's presence suddenly. "Let's get going!"

Vickie filled the air with her incessant talking, all the way back to the Kaiba mansion. She felt the need to fill Joey in on all the things he missed in the three years they were separated. Apparently, her sister was moving away, she started a new job, she caught her best friend and ex-boyfriend making out, and a host of other things Joey stopped listening to.

When they arrived before the estate, Mokuba couldn't get out of the car quickly enough. He thanked Joey for the ride and the food and ran the rest of the way to the front door. Once he was safely inside, Joey mumbled "Lucky," under his breath and pulled away.

"Oh, look!" Vickie said, pointing to a bright neon sign on a corner. It belonged to a three-story club whose music Joey could hear from the car. "Can we go? Pretty please? I haven't been dancing in so long!"

Joey was inclined to day no, but then he thought about all the thick crowds he could lose her in and smiled. "Sure," he said, "anything for my cream puff."

Vickie giggled. She waited for Joey to park before hopping out of the car. They had to stand on line for almost an hour, during which Vickie restlessly bounced around in excitement. Once inside, they were immediately inundated with warm, dancing bodies. However, Vickie managed to keep a firm hold on Joey, absolutely refusing to have another partner and glaring daggers at any girl who dared approach him.

Finally, Vickie led him to the bar. "Man, I need to catch my breath," she said. She ordered two daiquiris and handed one to Joey. He nursed his and watched her drink. How the hell was he supposed to get out of this? "Well, I'm heading back! Coming?"

"Lemme finish my drink," Joey said. Vickie smiled and left him at the bar. When she was out of sight, he gulped down the daiquiri and ordered three other drinks. He had a feeling alcohol was the only remedy for _this_ syndrome.

* * *

Joey woke in a dark room. He sat up, his stomach feeling queasy. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he saw that he was in a bedroom, and an unfamiliar one at that. He looked to his right and saw someone face down beside him. She was a brunette, and her white sundress lay in a heap on the floor behind her. Joey hoped against hope that he was wrong, but he had to be sure. He lifted the curtain of hair and saw none other than Vickie. And to his horror, what they did last night was a complete blur.

Joey carefully rose from the bed, threw on his clothes, and left the apartment. He wandered around the unfamiliar neighborhood until he found his car. All he wanted was to get as far from Vickie as possible, shower away the sweat and shame, and plot vengeance.

"Watch out, Kaiba. The battle may be won, but the war has just begun."


	7. Besties Know Best

Seto couldn't get enough of hearing about Joey's torture yesterday. He had made Mokuba repeat the story _ad nauseum_ when he got back from the restaurant.

He had waited in the sitting room by the foyer. When Mokuba entered, he rushed to meet him. He said nothing but waited expectedly with eyebrow raised.

Mokuba glared at him slightly in response. "That was cruel, Seto," he said simply.

He shrugged. "After _sic_ -ing those girls on me, Wheeler —"

"Not to him! _Me_!" Mokuba rubbed his temples from irritation. "I was stuck with them for hours."

Seto went into overprotective mode. "They didn't do anything in front of you, did they?" For that, Wheeler would pay with his life.

"No, of course not." Mokuba waved his hands emphatically. "She was just so _annoying_. And psychotic! She locked us in the chapel and said she wouldn't leave without her wedding. Poor Joey." Mokuba shook his head, then remembered something. "Did you really pay for the wedding?"

Seto snorted. "Of _course_ not, I just told her I would if she stayed there for three hours."

"But what if they had actually gone through with it?" Mokuba asked slowly.

"Oh, please. Wheeler's not _that_ moronic. He'd have found a way out. Which he clearly did if you're standing here."

Mokuba either didn't hear or chose to ignore the compliment Seto had given Joey and instead shook his head again. "I don't know," he said. "Last I saw, they were still together, and he didn't have a clue how to get rid of her."

Seto smirked. "Then it's going better than expected." And with that he turned to leave for the dining room.

At present, Seto was typing away with far more enthusiasm than was necessary for the task. What stuck out most in the story for Seto was the constant kindness Joey had showed Mokuba. That, he internally promised, would be Wheeler's only saving grace from fiery death should he cross a line, any line, again. Or he could just repay the favor. He glanced at the clock: 2:20 pm. School was going to let out soon. Maybe he'd give that Serenity girl a call.

As if stimulated by thought alone (now _there's_ an idea for a project), his phone rang. He picked it up and said, "Talk to me." It was a far more cheerful greeting than usual.

"It's me," Joey said.

Seto pulled the receiver away as though it were infected. "How do you keep getting through?" he practically shouted at the phone. He put it back to his ear to hear the response.

Joey chuckled. "I have my ways. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for helping me get back with my ex."

Seto's eyes went wide. Wheeler called to say thanks? And he got back together with the most psychotic girl he could find digging through his records? Did…did Joey go insane? Dear Lord, he overdid it with the prank! Despite the psychologists' reassurances, Vickie's neurosis _was_ contagious! Now, Wheeler was terminally ill with some mentally degenerative disease, and it was all his fault. Besides the initial humor he found in it all, he felt a twinge of something that would've been guilt in a more emotive person.

"Hello?" Joey called tentatively. "Still there?"

"Y-yeah," he responded softly. "Sorry."

"Oh. Good, there's not much time left. I got you a gift for everything you've done, so turn to channel seven at 2:30 to see it."

"Okay," Seto said slowly.

"Oh! Before I forget. Vickie and I are thinking of eloping. We haven't set a date yet, but I was wondering if…how do I put this…would you, um, be my best man?"

Nope. Uh-uh. No way. Seto hung up the phone without as much as a syllable in response to Wheeler's request. He would take no part in the craziness floating around the match made in hell. Instead, he allowed curiosity to get the better of him and turned on his television. He changed the channel to seven and waited.

The two o'clock program ended. Seto looked up when he heard an audience applaud. The two-thirty program was starting, and it looked like a daytime talk show. Why would Wheeler tell him to watch this? Maybe he gave him the wrong channel. Oh well.

"Good afternoon, Domino," the lady began, "I'm your host, Rachael Walters, and this is _Domino Insider_." The crowd burst into more applause. "Now," she continued when it had died down, "as many of you know, we're kicking off our Domino Tribute Week today. That means seven days of awesome guests, history lessons —" she laughed — "and gifts for the audience!" More applause. "And we're starting off strong. When we come back, our first guest will give us the inside scoop on a local celebrity. Stay tuned!"

Seto stared blankly at the commercials wondering why Joey told him to sit through this. There were far more productive things he could be doing. Then again, maybe this was part of the insanity. Placing importance on meaningless droll. Forcing supposed friends to sit through tedious entertainment for lesser minds. Honestly, the idiocy of the talk show was exactly why he declined their invitation, year after year. Their persistence was almost admirable.

"Welcome back," Rachael said to the camera. "Before the break, I mentioned that our first guest was going to dish some dirt on a very hard to get star. In fact, every year since I've been hosting this show, we try to get him here for Tribute Week, but a multi-billion dollar company doesn't just run itself!"

Exactly, they finally underst — wait, _what_? Surely, Rachael wasn't talking about him? And who in the world had dirt to dish out about him?

"So every year, we've been unsuccessful."

Was it Mokuba? Impossible! They wouldn't invite a minor without his guardian's consent. Besides, Mokuba would've _told_ him.

"However, this time we're closer than ever."

DiMarco? Helga? Grayson?

"So, without further ado, please put your hands together for —"

Roland? Pegasus? _Yugi_?

"Joey Wheeler!"

…How the hell did he not see that coming?

On cue, the audience applauded, and the blonde walked out from backstage. Joey waved to the audience before sitting on the couch across from Rachael.

"So, Mr. Wheeler," Rachael began when the audience had died down. "Let's cut right to the chase. How are you acquainted with Mr. Kaiba?"

Joey smiled. "Please, call me Joey. And I know for a fact that he likes to go by Seto." He glanced at the camera. "As for how we're acquainted, we went to the same high school and got super close."

Rachael nodded, hanging onto every word. "And if you had to sum him up in three words, what would they be?"

Joey tapped his chin. "Probably quiet, shy, and nice." He shrugged. "I could go on, but —"

"Well, by all means, go on!"

"Okay." Joey smiled nostalgically. "Seto is really sweet. There was this one time he saw this abandoned puppy living in a box on the street. He scooped up the poor thing in his own jacket and brought it inside." The audience cooed over the false memory. Seto scoffed. "Unfortunately he couldn't keep it, so he gave it to a little boy who had just gotten out of surgery so they'd both have a friend. He was happy, but you should have seen his face. He looked positively heartbroken."

Rachael smiled sympathetically. "I never knew Seto had that side to him. In fact, a lot of people who have interacted with him find him coarse and blunt. How do you explain that contrast?"

"Well," Joey said, readjusting his position on the couch, "as I said, he's pretty shy. He never really had anyone around when he was younger to teach him how to interact with others, so he grew up pretty insecure and defensive. It took me a while to realize this, but the more Seto insults someone, the more he _likes_ them." What if Wheeler actually believed that? According to that logic, then, at the rate they exchanged obscenities _they_ should be getting eloped.

"I guess that makes sense," Rachael replied. "So how did you two become friends?"

Joey laughed. "That's a great story, actually. We met in tenth grade math, but we didn't hit it off until the Battle City Tournament. Right after he announced the tournament, he called me up and _personally_ invited me. At first, I was apprehensive, but he told me how great a duelist I was — am — and that he really valued our friendship. So of course I had to join." Okay, that was just a downright lie!

"But as we all know, the newcomer Yugi Moto won the tournament. How did that affect Seto? How did it affect your _friendship_?"

"After I lost, you know, I was pretty depressed. But, being the amazing guy Seto is, he comes up to me, puts his hands on my shoulders, looks me deep in the eyes, and says, 'You did the best you could.' And I gotta say, coming from anyone else that line woulda been really cheesy or even insulting. But the way he said it —" Joey paused as if reeling in some powerful emotion — "the way he said it was just so _sincere_."

Rachael's eyes grew wide with wonder. "Wow. Well since you two are so close, I'll ask you something I'm sure all the ladies would like to know." Rachael turned to wink at the audience. They laughed, and a few whistled and clapped. "What's Kaiba's _romantic_ life like?" Seto groaned. This wasn’t happening.

Joey smiled mischievously and looked out at the crowd, making sure to catch the camera in his gaze. "Seto is totally a hopeless romantic. He doesn't really date, even though he gets, like, tons of offers a week, because he's waiting for 'The One.'" Yes, he used air quotes. "Funny thing is, he never really stated his preference before, just that he's waiting for the person he'll spend the rest of his life with." Seto gaped at the screen while the audience oohed and ahhed.

He couldn't take more of this. If he continued watching, he'd pop a blood vessel. He turned the TV off and fumed silently.

 

* * *

 

By the end of the day, Seto was banging his head against his desk to get the stupidity Wheeler caused out of it. It did nothing for his migraine, but it kept him from wringing someone's neck. After _Domino Insider_ , he had gotten endless calls asking him to be the new spokesperson for dozens of LGBT organizations, do tons of commercials for the ASPCA, be a guest on ten other talk shows, test out beauty products for hundreds of companies, do fifteen interviews, grant wishes for terminally ill children, endorse this, sponsor that. His phone wouldn't stop ringing, the space in his planner was vanishing, and he couldn't keep his E-mail inbox empty longer than thirty seconds.

He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes, a plan for payback already forming. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Serenity's number. Two could play the humiliation game.

An hour later, Seto was meeting the younger Wheeler across town at an outdoor restaurant. He noticed that as he took his seat, she looked around, as if looking for something he should've brought.

Seto smirked. "Mokuba's not with me," he said.

Serenity blushed. "Oh," she said to her menu. "Then what did you call me here for?"  
Seto leaned back in his seat and regarded Serenity with a devious look. “I have a proposition for you.”


	8. Sweet Dreams (Were Made of Duels)

Joey never left the front door open. Serenity ran the rest of the way up the stairs but paused at the doorway. She looked around. Even without entering, she could tell something was wrong. She immediately thought about calling the police, but she was fairly certain they would need more incentive than a weird feeling to get involved. So, against her better judgment, Serenity entered the apartment.

The first thing she saw was a half-eaten sandwich on the kitchen table. Was her brother still inside, then? "Joey?" she called. The answering silence made her even more nervous. She searched the rest of the house for him. The rooms were all empty but the car keys were still on the dresser and his bedroom window was still open.

Serenity started freaking out. She ran throughout the apartment double and triple checking for any signs of Joey's presence or at least an indication of where he had gone. She found none. She collapsed on the couch, trying to think through the fog of worry and concern, but something caught her eye. She leaned forward and picked up a folded sheet of paper. She scanned it, eyes growing wide with each line.

Serenity fumbled for her cell phone. She dialed Seto's number and reread the letter.

"What?" he said when he picked up.

"We have a problem," she said. "Our prank has gone too far."

 

* * *

 

Seto ignored Serenity's little glare and read the letter she'd given him. When he finished, he passed it along to Mokuba and looked up at Serenity with raised eyebrow.

"They took him!" Serenity yelled.

"It's a contract," Seto said calmly. "They couldn't take him without his permission. And he definitely signed the dotted line."

Mokuba nodded his agreement and handed the contract back to Serenity. "It's true," he said.

"It's _forged_!" She pulled another paper from her purse and handed it over. "Look. It's a copy of the forms he signed for my operation."

Seto rolled his eyes but looked anyway. Serenity was right; the signature on the contract wasn't even remotely _close_ to Joey's true signature. Again, he handed the forms to Mokuba for review and exchanged a look with Serenity.

"But I don't get it," Mokuba said as he handed the second set of papers back to Serenity. "Why would a bunch of scientists from a sleep research laboratory kidnap Joey in the middle of the day?" They gave Mokuba a strange look. "What?"

"Well…" Serenity began.

"I had Serenity steal something important of Wheeler's last night," Seto explained. "She chose his dream diary, so I had it published in several journals throughout the country."

Mokuba's eye twitched. " _Why_?"

"I had arranged for world renowned psychiatrists to bombard him with interviews and analyses." Seto smirked. "It would've ended this little war."

Mokuba turned to Serenity, who just shrugged. "I thought it would get Joey to end this stupid prank thing," Serenity said. She looked at Seto. "So you'll help?"

He shook his head. "Whatever predicament Wheeler's in, he deserves it." He leaned back in his chair. "Besides, I'm sure he'll find a way out. Eventually."

Serenity groaned. "Fine, then," she muttered. She turned on her heel and left. She huffed past the receptionist all the way to the elevator lobby. She jammed the down button and crossed her arms. Where would she go? Who could help her? Even if she did find this lab, she couldn't just walk right in and demand her brother back. And the police wouldn't get involved without sufficient evidence or until Joey had been missing for two days, and by then it could be too late! She sighed and stepped into the elevator when the doors opened.

"Hold it!" Mokuba called, running to Serenity.

She complied and pushed the Door Open button. He joined her inside and took a deep breath to steady himself. "These pranks have gone on long enough," he said when he could breathe again.

"Tell me about it." Serenity rolled her eyes. "You'd think two twenty-somethings would be more mature than a couple of high schoolers." She shook her head.

"Agreed," Mokuba said with a nod. "That's why I'm gonna help you find Joey."

Serenity smiled. "Really?" Her heart started pounding. That really was awfully sweet of Mokuba.

"Yeah! We'll find him in no time." He gave her a little thumbs up. "First let's stop by the supercomputer to run a few tests."

Serenity nodded. They rode the elevator down to the sub-basement, after which Serenity followed Mokuba's lead. She gawked at the labyrinth of metal corridors and heavy vault doors and automated security. It made walking into Kaiba Corp's headquarters upstairs look like a cake walk. Beyond the final checkpoint was a huge room, at the end of which was the supercomputer. As soon as they walked in, it came to life, lighting the whole room.

"Hello, Mr. Kaiba," it said. "I see you've brought a guest. Interesting choice for a date."

Serenity giggled while Mokuba blushed. "Quiet, Titania," he said. "We have to get straight to business."

"Right. Here's my game face." Titania pulled up a command screen. "You know what to do."

Mokuba nodded and strode over. He began typing away so seriously that Serenity was reminded for a second of his brother. "I'm starting a search for all sleep research clinics and laboratories," he explained to Serenity absently, "and narrowing it down as I go. Seto's so much better at this, but I'm catching up." He smirked.

"Indeed," Titania agreed. "Comparing your reaction times and the variances between information output and input, you are not too far behind where he was at your age."

Serenity joined Mokuba's side. "Your computer is amazing," Serenity said. "Can I talk to it?"

" _Her_ ," Titania corrected. "And yes you may."

"Sorry," Serenity said sheepishly. "How were you able to power on and recognize Mokuba?"

"I'm assuming you mean the mechanism and not the program itself," Titania said. "Otherwise you could be here for _hours_. Very well. When the door to the room opens, a sort of switch is activated to turn me on. My default initial program is facial recognition. When I wake up, I scan the room for either or both of the Kaiba brothers. If I find neither, I shut down, which triggers the door to close and lock."

"But what if the stranger gets locked inside?"

"A low intensity laser lattice activates. If he trips any of them, an alarm will go off. And no one can stay still forever, dear."

"What if neither of them can come down here but someone still needs access? Isn't there some kind of override system?"

"There probably is, hun, but the Kaiba brothers never tell all their secrets. Not even to me."

Serenity was just about to ask about how Titania could multitask when Mokuba stopped typing with an air of finality. "Done," he said. "I've narrowed it down to four locations. One of them is in the next city, so we can leave that one for last if the others don't pan out."

"Awesome," Serenity said. "Where should we go first?"

"The closest one is a ten minute drive from here," Titania said. "And might I suggest taking the blue Honda for clandestinity?"

Mokuba nodded. "Thanks, Titania," he said. He turned to Serenity. "Let's go." They ran out of the room. Serenity followed Mokuba to the garage through a hidden passageway. When they emerged from the secret door, they were met by a chauffeur.

"And which car might young Master Kaiba be taking tonight?" he said.

"The blue Honda, Pemberton," Mokuba said.

"Of course." Pemberton strode over to the said car and opened the back door. Serenity slid in first, followed closely by Mokuba. When the driver took his seat and buckled himself in, Mokuba handed him an address wordlessly. Pemberton read it, raised his eyebrows, and nodded. He started the ignition and shifted gears, and they were off. In just under ten minutes, they had arrived before an unremarkable grey building in the middle of a courtyard.

"Keep the engine running," Mokuba told the driver as he got out. Pemberton nodded.

"How're we supposed to get in?" Serenity asked.

Mokuba stroked his chin. "Just follow my lead."

Serenity shrugged. It worked last time. She followed Mokuba into the clinic and straight to the receptionist.

"Hello, how can I —" the receptionist said before looking up. He paused when recognition dawned on him. "Hey…your Mokuba Kaiba, aren't you?"

"The one and only," Mokuba said nonchalantly. He looked around without making direct eye contact with the clerk. "We're looking into local sleep clinics to study the effects of our virtual technology on our beta testers. Lucky for you, you're the first stop."

"Oh," the clerk said, taken aback. "Well, I'm, uh, I'm sure I can arrange a quick tour for —"

"Great," Mokuba said. He crossed his arms expectantly. The clerk hesitated before jumping back to work, making various phone calls and E-mails.

"Finally," the clerk said, punching one last button on his keyboard. "If you'll follow me, I'll be your tour guide."

The teens did as told and followed the clerk-turned-tour-guide throughout the clinic. They passed by various observation rooms and even talked to some of the patients and doctors. They were presented charts and figures for some of the ongoing experiments and even allowed to try a simulator. However, Joey was nowhere to be seen.

"And over here you'll see —"

"Yeah, that's great and all," Mokuba interrupted, "but where do you keep the…you know… _secret_ stuff?" Mokuba raised an eyebrow for emphasis.

The clerk looked confused. "I don't follow."

"You know," Serenity said. "The stuff you don't show the public. The high _priority_ stuff."

"I'm sorry," the clerk said slowly, "but this is mainly a medical facility. We get our money from the government and have to report directly to them, so we don't _have_ any under-the-table stuff." He leaned in close. "But I'll tell you who _does_. Word on the street is Mint Medical supposedly gets funding from a private corporation for secret operations. But you didn't hear it from me."

Mokuba rolled his eyes. "Dude, I don't even know your name."

"It's —"

"Didn't ask." He turned and walked back the way they had come in.

"Thanks!" Serenity called over her shoulder before catching up to her companion.

 

* * *

 

After going through the same motions at the Mint Medical facility, Mokuba was finally ready to ask about its more lucrative dealings.

"No idea what you're talking about," the clerk said too automatically for it to be true. "Not for _free_ , anyway."

A shadow of Seto's dangerous smirk crept to Mokuba's face. He pulled something out of his pocket and shook hands with the clerk. "You drive a hard bargain."

The clerk pocketed his earnings. Serenity shook her head, immediately trying to forget what she had just witnessed. "Right this way." He led them to a door marked 'Maintenance' and opened it. Instead of mops and cleaning agents was a descending staircase. Serenity got a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach the lower they went, but she swallowed her fear and reminded herself it was all for Joey. She still didn't know whether she would laugh, cry, or strangle him if — _when_ — they found him.

"Here we are," the clerk said.

Mokuba and Serenity gasped at the horrors they saw. Not fifty feet from them was a series of adjacent glass cells, each containing a person strapped to a machine resembling an electric chair. Monitors on the outside of the cells displayed their vitals and blurry images. A group of scientists stood by a cluster of computers, clipboards in hand as they watched the subjects. One of them flipped a switch, and an electric current rippled through the each of the subjects. The images on the monitors become more and more scrambled as the voltage increased. Luckily, they couldn't hear their screams from behind the glass.

"I can't watch," Serenity said. She covered her eyes and looked away. Mokuba tugged at her elbow when they were done.

"What the hell is going on?" he said angrily to the researchers.

"You don't belong here," one said. "Guards!"

In no time, the teens were surrounded by men in black Kevlar wielding batons and Tasers. Serenity looked around for an exit, but to no avail. But she spotted something on the wall to their backs that gave her an idea.

"Please let us go!" she cried. "We won't tell anyone, _honest_." She backed away slowly, waving her hands defensively. Mokuba seemed to catch on and did the same.

"Yeah, we won't say a word," he said.

"You kidding?" one of the scientists said. "With the ransom we'd get off you alone, kid, we could do all the experiments we want!"

The teens said nothing but continued retreating until their backs hit the wall. Serenity smirked. "That's what _you_ think," she said before flipping all the switches to her right. All the lights and machines shut down. She hit the floor, dragging Mokuba down with her, and began crawling toward the stairs. By the time the backup generator started up, they were halfway out the maintenance closet. They shut it and propped it with a chair before sprinting out of the facility.

They got into the car without a word. Mokuba called the police and explained what had happened at Mint Medical, and the rest of the ride was silent.

 

* * *

 

Their third destination was much more cheerful. (Then again, compared to being held at Taser-point, anything was.) They were greeted by a hyperactive blonde with a slight figure and pixie cut, reminding Serenity very much of Tinkerbell. Once she had made that association, she found it extremely difficult to take anything she said seriously.

"Do you have any ongoing research projects?" Mokuba asked. He exchanged a glance with Serenity.

"Tons!" the receptionist said. She led them down a corridor lined with laboratory observation windows. "At the other end is our latest project. It focuses on the effects of children's games on the psyche."

"May we see it?" Serenity asked.

"Of course!" She led them to the observation window. Mokuba and Serenity pressed as close to the glass as they could but didn't get a good view. The scientists below them were all huddled around someone or something, completely obscuring their view.

Serenity turned to the clerk. "Can we get closer?"

"Sure!" She marched on to an exit door and led them down a staircase — the teens avidly ignored the flashbacks — and through another door. The experiment they were watching was the first chamber on the right. From this proximity, Serenity could hear what the scientists were saying.

"The hypothalamus is overactive," one said. "Maybe _that's_ the part associated with strategy."

"You dunce! That's the _amygdala_!" said another. "He must be enjoying himself."

"But he's losing…" commented a third.

Serenity's and Mokuba's curiosity got the better of them. Despite the clerk's warnings, they tried to make their way to the center of the huddle. The surprised scientists easily parted.

"Joey!" Serenity cried. She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck.

"Sis!" he said, baffled. "Did they kidnap you to force you to play Duel Monsters, too?"

"Not exactly," she said slowly. "Mokuba and I were looking for —"

"Excuse me," one of the scientists interrupted, "but we're in the middle of a test. Mr. Wheeler must complete the duel."

"Yeah, but with Serenity here, I'll win for sure!" Joey said.

Serenity smiled, but the scientists all laughed. "Mr. Wheeler, you cannot win," another said. "The object of the test is for you to lose in the most humiliating way possible. You know, just like in your first duel against Seto Kaiba in Duelist Kingdom." The teens at least _tried_ to hide their snickers. "Then we'll study your REM patterns."

"Why?" Mokuba asked.

"Well, according to Mr. Wheeler's diary," the first scientist replied, "his most interesting dream, the one that's gonna make us all famous, occurred right after that event." He flipped through his clipboard. "Apparently, it involved a dog suit and strange physical urges that persisted for —"

"All right, it's my move!" Joey interrupted. He turned back to the monitor — his opponent — and drew a card. He grinned. "I just drew my lucky charm. Go, Scapegoat!"

And from there, the duel picked up, ending decidedly in Joey's favor. He threw a fist in the air as his opponent's Life Points hit zero. "Yes! That means I'm outta here." He stood and turned to leave.

"Well, even though you won — against all odds, amazingly — we still have to test your reaction," a scientist said.

"But you said that if I won I could leave," Joey said with a slight pout.

"We never really said th—"

"Don't care, leaving now." Joey slung an arm around Serenity and walked away from the dueling table. "And besides," he added over his shoulder, "you _forced_ me to be here. But because I beat your little robot, and being the gracious guy I am, I won't even sue."

* * *

 

"Man, I love you guys so much right now," Joey said as they drove away from the facility.

"As opposed to every other day when he can't _stand_ me," Serenity stage whispered to Mokuba.

"You know what I mean. You know what they did?" Serenity and Mokuba chose not answer, shuddering at the recollection of what the scientists were certainly capable of. "They forced me to play Duel Monsters non-stop!"

"How unfortunate for you," Mokuba said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, at first I didn't mind, obviously. But they just wanted me to lose. I don't think I've ever been surrounded by so many people who wanted to see me fail miserably. Not even at Battle City. And that's saying something." He looked pointedly at Mokuba. "You and your brother alone could account for half the bad vibes those lab coats were throwing my way." Joey thought for a moment. A smile slowly spread across his face. "Speaking of Kaiba," he said slowly.

"No!" Serenity said. 'Whatever you're about to say, _don't_."

But Joey paid her no mind. "I just thought of the perfect payback." He rubbed his hands together. "Wait 'til he gets a load of me."


End file.
